i know you know –

i know you know –
the inability to understand
peace when the sun yanks
you from the cheap IKEA
coffin you built by hand –
alive but struggling to
breathe from last nights
dealings with death.
you were so sure
she’d find you un-moving
under the duvet –
heart stopped-
lungs restless-
pants full of shit.
but here you are
almost wishing it was real –
swallowing slow dissolving
sorrows – bitter. life saving.
i know you –
you’re getting tired.

 

© Audrey Rosengreen, 2018

Mommy Medicated

every time i die i ask god to
take the years stolen. grant
them to the growing babe
sleeping under the t.v. glare.

take the years they stole. grant
me another restless night of sleep
while I await my millionth demise.
it contorts into a welcome calm-

another restless night of sleep-
where i am ripped open before life
exposed to all my waking fears-
creating every new tomorrow.

i am ripped open before life-
undressed before the doctors
with their magic medication.
eager to mend my mind.

undressed before the doctors-
that as a mother i may be unfit
to take a babe and mold
a healthy man.

as a mother i may be unfit
every time i die. i ask god to
grant me the years i’ve lost.
another chance to make it right.

© Audrey Rosengreen, 2018

 

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. Mainly for my classes. I’ve been having some major health problems, caring for my kiddo, trying to finish my BA and write my senior thesis. I’m exhausted. I have to thank my love, who has seriously been my rock and cared for me and my son even when I’m a sicky, moody beastie >.< thank you, amor. Hopefully, I’ll be posting more often again and working to create more structured and metered poetry.

Well Days Are Still Tired Nights

It’s unbecoming of a liar
to tire on the empty days
of which the truly lost
yearn to lay their heads
on the warm thighs
of a half interested
series of caresses.
——–That’s like living the dream!
But (and there’s always a but)
people like us stand on the shores
edge, tonguing teeth and tiny
bits of sand caught from
the wind carrying upwards
our inconsistent spirits –
a stench so imbued with salt
one can’t help but wonder
if the weeks before were
all a dream – wreaking havoc
on the humid normality
of everyone’s perfect day.
But lucky me,
I have the kind of thighs
that hold unconditional interest.

© Audrey Rosengreen, 2018

I seek forgiveness…

I seek forgiveness not 
with God but with them.
The ones with Eyes 
sewn into the backs of their heads
        - who gesticulate their shame
while I discard my heart through
painted fingernails trying to drink
air through garbled recordings
of a Voice I do not recognize.

        - I am the shit show -
the Garbage silhouette 
        - out of breath -
dancing on the glass they 
drop along with eggshells
I use to pay the dues owed 
for my bloody feet.

© Audrey Rosengreen, 2018

disoriented

control ebbs - contracting back
into the Horizon where waves are born
where they die
peacefully
over and over again

I don't know how to write from here. 

a body can only sink so many
times before they stay
still
with the tide
tucked neatly under
the bottom of the sea
greedy - hungry
little fish nibble at salty skin
sore knees - open palms
reaching for the stray light
peaking through a nauseous sky.

But these forms mean absolutely nothing. 

over and over again
peacefully
where they die
inside the Horizon where waves are born
contracting back - control ebbs. 


© Audrey Rosengreen, 2018